Post by Walter on Jan 14, 2007 16:15:25 GMT -8
Greetings brethren
I know this will be long, but it's here to refer back to in order to better know me and understand "where I'm coming from"
My name is Walter.
I'm a 46 year old (7 years young in Messiah) non-Jewish married disciple of Yeshua that lives in Cimarron, NM.
I grew up going to dead, country-club style, churches. When I was in 6th grade my dad pulled me out of a church because my 2 Sunday school teachers were gay, and making us write ghost stories.
When I was in 8th grade my mom was my Sunday school teacher , which was meaningless since we never read the Scriptures at home or prayed, except at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at my Grandmothers.
One of my Sunday school teachers was a doctor who admitted he didn’t believe in God, that he wanted proof.
My parents would take me into bars, buying me drinks and getting me drunk, when I was 15-18 years old – then make me go to Church on Sunday.
When I finished high school my thinking was “If Christianity is real, shouldn’t people be living it 7 days a week and not just on Sundays. Since it’s not real I got more important things to do with my life.” I walked away thinking it was all a farce and a scam.
Partying became my life and purpose. I became a power drinking, the harder and the more the better. I got into drugs; pot, speed, acid, angel dust, even did crack a few times.
I knew there had to be more to life than what I saw, so my goal became The Doors song “Break On Thru To The Other Side” If I got stoned and drunk enough, or took enough acid, I could break on thru out of this “hell on earth”.
During this time I joined the Navy, volunteered for submarines - working with nuclear missiles.
While partying my way thru Navy schools I got introduced to a “Christian” group called The Way.
I Never met God thru them, they just wanted me to pay $180 (my every 2 week paycheck was $210) to take a course that would introduce me to God.
They told that if I really wanted to know God I would come up with the money.
I responded with if you cared about my soul they wouldn’t charge me $180,
This to I saw as a farce as they never even gave me a Bible.
With this I totally rejected Christianity - and even develpoped a hate towards it.
At 23 I moved in with a lady 10 years older than me who had just left her husband and kids. We got married a year later, bringing her into this party lifestyle.
8 years in the Navy was enough for me so I got out. I went to work for a defense contractor traveling all over.
Thru all this I still believed in A God, but not the God of The Bible.
My wife and I got involved in new age, Native Americanism, and eventually into wicca (witchcraft).
In 93 I got laid off , so I ended up becoming a truck driver.
I was out on the road an average of 6-8 weeks at a time.
I wanted my wife to become a team driver with me, so I took her out on the road for a 8 week cycle - She never wanted in the truck again.
Our marriage started going down hill fast.
I was angry that she didn’t want to come out on the road with me.
She was having a life independent of me which built up my anger even more.
When I did would home for a few days, she many times had plans already made, but I wanted to be her focus when I was home, which I wasn’t.
The anger and frustration was building and building.
Being a truck driver can be a very lonely life. I would sit in my truck and get drunk till I passed out more times than I care to remember. I had never cheated on my wife previous, but I started sleeping with hookers and hitchhikers for companionship.
I was spiraling down fast into a pit of self despair and pity.
I was becoming a very very angry person, venting it off by pushing myself driving as hard as I could to make as much money as I could for my wife (all the while being angry that I was out making it, and she was at home, not working, spending it as fast as I could make it) and getting drunk when I had to lay over anywhere.
I started thinking more and more of suicide, even fantasizing about it.
The only thing that kept me on this side of death was that I still loved my wife deep down, and I didn’t want her to be left out alone with no means to live.
I still knew that there had to be something more to life, but didn’t know how to find it and was ready to give up trying.
In steps Elohim,,,,,,,
Elohim had to get me alone and at the end of my ropes to get my attention, though I look back now and see where He was working through the years, but I wasn’t paying attention.
He sent people across my path to witness to me but I blew them off.
I still had a faint belief in a God, but a very distant blurry distorted picture.
One day while waiting to get loaded, there was an older couple (late 50s – early 60s) who drove for the same company as I did who were waiting to get loaded also.
Since I was lonely and they had a nicer truck I went and sat and talked with them. (I talked with her as he was busy watching tv) She talked about her kids, and how a couple of them were going to a Bible college.
I saw she had a Bible on her shelf so I mentioned God.
She asked me if I believed in God. I told her I believed in a God.
She asked me if I believed in Jesus. I told her not at all.
She asked me if I had a Bible and believed in it. (People had tried to give me a Bible before but I wouldn’t take it) The only Bible I knew about was KJV, and I told her I didn’t have one and thought KJ was a clown, and the Bible was a work on man’s imagination.
She had me if I wanted to know God. I told her I did if that was possible.
She had me hold her hands and led me in “the sinner’s prayer” (to which I know now, and knew then that I wasn’t saved by that)
She gave me a Bible with the only condition that I read it.
It was The Reader Digest Condensed Bible, from the RSV.
I left their truck and never saw them again.
Elohim was working on my heart in the quietness of the truck cab while driving during the next couple of weeks.
He was dispelling some of my false beliefs like reincarnation.
He was showing me where His hand had been upon me at times in my past.
I was recognizing Elohimwas working so after a couple of weeks of thinking about reading the Bible I cried out to God.
I told Him that I saw he was working in me.
I told Him I would put aside all my preconceived notions of Him and the Bible.
That I would forget all the things I was taught; like Paul was gay & he didn’t like women, that all religions worshipped the same God, and such.
I told Him that I would read the Bible with an open mind, as His word.
My heart, my attitude, my life started changing as I read God’s Word. (Thru this I am a firm firm believer that the Bible is God’s living and active Word, and what translation you read doesn’t matter.
The power is IN YHWH working in our hearts as we read seeking Him)
I was reading The Bible every day and night, but I still didn’t believe in Yeshua The Messiah.
I thought he was just a good man and teacher.
Then I read John 1. In the beginning was The Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Major conflict, I didn’t really believe in Jesus, but I was believing in The Bible, and The God of The Bible, and He was saying Jesus was God in the flesh.
I was parked at a truck stop in Gary Indiana (just outside of Chicago) I had my dog with me for company so I took him for a walk in a corn field across the street. I started talking with God out loud about all this.
I stopped for a moment, This is hard to describe but I felt like I was splitting into 2 different people. I was thinking “If anyone who knew me saw me right now, they would think I’m crazy”
So I did the only thing I could think to do.
I threw my arms up into the air in surrender and said “God I believe in you, God I believe you, I believe what you say is true”
I went back in my truck feeling truly alive for the first time ever.
I put a Led Zeppelin tape into the stereo to play.
But something was wrong, it didn’t sound right, it sounded dead.
So I threw the tape out the window and said “Well God you took away my music”
I would sit in my Truck reading the Scriptures whenever I wasn't driving.
I got the NT on tape and started listening while driving.
That was almost 8 years ago.
Since that day He has brought my wife into His family.
Got me a job off the road
He has delivered me from drugs, alcohol, sexual immorality, porn and restored my marriage.
Thought not all at once, but through a process of getting to know and trust Him.
But that will all be for another post.
I wasn't indoctrinated in any denominational view of Elohim or Scriptures - Just read - prayed - and listened.
I have learned - thru a lonely tear-filled journey - how much of American churchianity is in bondage to man made/centered traditions and teachings.
Thru this journey I have come to love and better understand the true names of Elohim.
I have seen that my Messiah was Jewish, as was the early church, and I desire learning more about the Hebrewness roots of my faith.
Having been a pagan, it was easy for me to see the pagan roots and practices of "christian" holidays like christmas and easter - thus turning to Scripture to discover the Feasts of YHWH pointing to Yeshua..
But on the other hand - I don't want to reject one set of manmade traditions and teachings - only to pick up another chain of bondage.
I am here to learn, grow and experience fellowship (which is GREATLY lacking in my wife's and my life) and mybe even develop friendships.
I know this will be long, but it's here to refer back to in order to better know me and understand "where I'm coming from"
My name is Walter.
I'm a 46 year old (7 years young in Messiah) non-Jewish married disciple of Yeshua that lives in Cimarron, NM.
I grew up going to dead, country-club style, churches. When I was in 6th grade my dad pulled me out of a church because my 2 Sunday school teachers were gay, and making us write ghost stories.
When I was in 8th grade my mom was my Sunday school teacher , which was meaningless since we never read the Scriptures at home or prayed, except at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at my Grandmothers.
One of my Sunday school teachers was a doctor who admitted he didn’t believe in God, that he wanted proof.
My parents would take me into bars, buying me drinks and getting me drunk, when I was 15-18 years old – then make me go to Church on Sunday.
When I finished high school my thinking was “If Christianity is real, shouldn’t people be living it 7 days a week and not just on Sundays. Since it’s not real I got more important things to do with my life.” I walked away thinking it was all a farce and a scam.
Partying became my life and purpose. I became a power drinking, the harder and the more the better. I got into drugs; pot, speed, acid, angel dust, even did crack a few times.
I knew there had to be more to life than what I saw, so my goal became The Doors song “Break On Thru To The Other Side” If I got stoned and drunk enough, or took enough acid, I could break on thru out of this “hell on earth”.
During this time I joined the Navy, volunteered for submarines - working with nuclear missiles.
While partying my way thru Navy schools I got introduced to a “Christian” group called The Way.
I Never met God thru them, they just wanted me to pay $180 (my every 2 week paycheck was $210) to take a course that would introduce me to God.
They told that if I really wanted to know God I would come up with the money.
I responded with if you cared about my soul they wouldn’t charge me $180,
This to I saw as a farce as they never even gave me a Bible.
With this I totally rejected Christianity - and even develpoped a hate towards it.
At 23 I moved in with a lady 10 years older than me who had just left her husband and kids. We got married a year later, bringing her into this party lifestyle.
8 years in the Navy was enough for me so I got out. I went to work for a defense contractor traveling all over.
Thru all this I still believed in A God, but not the God of The Bible.
My wife and I got involved in new age, Native Americanism, and eventually into wicca (witchcraft).
In 93 I got laid off , so I ended up becoming a truck driver.
I was out on the road an average of 6-8 weeks at a time.
I wanted my wife to become a team driver with me, so I took her out on the road for a 8 week cycle - She never wanted in the truck again.
Our marriage started going down hill fast.
I was angry that she didn’t want to come out on the road with me.
She was having a life independent of me which built up my anger even more.
When I did would home for a few days, she many times had plans already made, but I wanted to be her focus when I was home, which I wasn’t.
The anger and frustration was building and building.
Being a truck driver can be a very lonely life. I would sit in my truck and get drunk till I passed out more times than I care to remember. I had never cheated on my wife previous, but I started sleeping with hookers and hitchhikers for companionship.
I was spiraling down fast into a pit of self despair and pity.
I was becoming a very very angry person, venting it off by pushing myself driving as hard as I could to make as much money as I could for my wife (all the while being angry that I was out making it, and she was at home, not working, spending it as fast as I could make it) and getting drunk when I had to lay over anywhere.
I started thinking more and more of suicide, even fantasizing about it.
The only thing that kept me on this side of death was that I still loved my wife deep down, and I didn’t want her to be left out alone with no means to live.
I still knew that there had to be something more to life, but didn’t know how to find it and was ready to give up trying.
In steps Elohim,,,,,,,
Elohim had to get me alone and at the end of my ropes to get my attention, though I look back now and see where He was working through the years, but I wasn’t paying attention.
He sent people across my path to witness to me but I blew them off.
I still had a faint belief in a God, but a very distant blurry distorted picture.
One day while waiting to get loaded, there was an older couple (late 50s – early 60s) who drove for the same company as I did who were waiting to get loaded also.
Since I was lonely and they had a nicer truck I went and sat and talked with them. (I talked with her as he was busy watching tv) She talked about her kids, and how a couple of them were going to a Bible college.
I saw she had a Bible on her shelf so I mentioned God.
She asked me if I believed in God. I told her I believed in a God.
She asked me if I believed in Jesus. I told her not at all.
She asked me if I had a Bible and believed in it. (People had tried to give me a Bible before but I wouldn’t take it) The only Bible I knew about was KJV, and I told her I didn’t have one and thought KJ was a clown, and the Bible was a work on man’s imagination.
She had me if I wanted to know God. I told her I did if that was possible.
She had me hold her hands and led me in “the sinner’s prayer” (to which I know now, and knew then that I wasn’t saved by that)
She gave me a Bible with the only condition that I read it.
It was The Reader Digest Condensed Bible, from the RSV.
I left their truck and never saw them again.
Elohim was working on my heart in the quietness of the truck cab while driving during the next couple of weeks.
He was dispelling some of my false beliefs like reincarnation.
He was showing me where His hand had been upon me at times in my past.
I was recognizing Elohimwas working so after a couple of weeks of thinking about reading the Bible I cried out to God.
I told Him that I saw he was working in me.
I told Him I would put aside all my preconceived notions of Him and the Bible.
That I would forget all the things I was taught; like Paul was gay & he didn’t like women, that all religions worshipped the same God, and such.
I told Him that I would read the Bible with an open mind, as His word.
My heart, my attitude, my life started changing as I read God’s Word. (Thru this I am a firm firm believer that the Bible is God’s living and active Word, and what translation you read doesn’t matter.
The power is IN YHWH working in our hearts as we read seeking Him)
I was reading The Bible every day and night, but I still didn’t believe in Yeshua The Messiah.
I thought he was just a good man and teacher.
Then I read John 1. In the beginning was The Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Major conflict, I didn’t really believe in Jesus, but I was believing in The Bible, and The God of The Bible, and He was saying Jesus was God in the flesh.
I was parked at a truck stop in Gary Indiana (just outside of Chicago) I had my dog with me for company so I took him for a walk in a corn field across the street. I started talking with God out loud about all this.
I stopped for a moment, This is hard to describe but I felt like I was splitting into 2 different people. I was thinking “If anyone who knew me saw me right now, they would think I’m crazy”
So I did the only thing I could think to do.
I threw my arms up into the air in surrender and said “God I believe in you, God I believe you, I believe what you say is true”
I went back in my truck feeling truly alive for the first time ever.
I put a Led Zeppelin tape into the stereo to play.
But something was wrong, it didn’t sound right, it sounded dead.
So I threw the tape out the window and said “Well God you took away my music”
I would sit in my Truck reading the Scriptures whenever I wasn't driving.
I got the NT on tape and started listening while driving.
That was almost 8 years ago.
Since that day He has brought my wife into His family.
Got me a job off the road
He has delivered me from drugs, alcohol, sexual immorality, porn and restored my marriage.
Thought not all at once, but through a process of getting to know and trust Him.
But that will all be for another post.
I wasn't indoctrinated in any denominational view of Elohim or Scriptures - Just read - prayed - and listened.
I have learned - thru a lonely tear-filled journey - how much of American churchianity is in bondage to man made/centered traditions and teachings.
Thru this journey I have come to love and better understand the true names of Elohim.
I have seen that my Messiah was Jewish, as was the early church, and I desire learning more about the Hebrewness roots of my faith.
Having been a pagan, it was easy for me to see the pagan roots and practices of "christian" holidays like christmas and easter - thus turning to Scripture to discover the Feasts of YHWH pointing to Yeshua..
But on the other hand - I don't want to reject one set of manmade traditions and teachings - only to pick up another chain of bondage.
I am here to learn, grow and experience fellowship (which is GREATLY lacking in my wife's and my life) and mybe even develop friendships.
-observant congregations in NM (and one in southern Colorado). Not terribly close to you, but I wouldn't be surprised if they knew of folks in your area who have similar beliefs. I know we have met people in this way (who live in our town) and they've been an incredible blessing to us.
