Post by Elizabeth on Dec 5, 2018 11:52:12 GMT -8
I just want to check my thinking on this. I have been considering going to a Messianic Synagogue about an hour away so my kids and I can find a place of support and fellowship. I emailed them I was going to visit because I didn't want to just show so they could expect someone new to be there. I also explained a bit about me including that my daughter has autism and I wanted to see how and if I could manage things on my own with my kids as my husband is an unbeliever. After I sent it, I thought maybe they wouldn't want to deal with us based on the high demands I communicated in my email. Thats just something you kind of expect when your child can be behaviorally difficult, so it went through my mind not to go if they don't respond. I think it was from G-d as there are other indications that I don't feel it's the right place, but I thought maybe I just need to try it so I can at least put it behind me if it is a no-go.
I haven't received an email back and now I'm second guessing myself. I am leaving room that I'm completely overreacting, and that maybe that thought was not of G-d. I question and doubt a lot because it always seems like doors are shut in my life to get anywhere. Meanwhile, I'm starting to have a hard time assuming the best of people. Honestly, it seems I'm often shown my gut instinct was right, but also because of a larger more long -term context of issues with how people react to our family.
Here's a pattern in my life. My daughter has autism. Over time I have learned that you find out a lot about people pretty quickly based on this. You know out of everyone that I can think of who have sincerely stepped up and reached out to help and welcome us, the ones who involve themselves in our lives somehow because they care; out of all of them, only one of them was a believer. On the other have, the rudest have been so-called believers- to the pint of giving me dirty looks if they find out my daughter might be in their class.
The people who have stepped up the most in my life to work with her and support me the most have been secularly minded non- believers. That's been the truth for years so I'm not sure what's happening, but it's been going on long enough that I can't help but wonder what's wrong. What's going on in my life that this is what's happening, or what's happening in the believing community that there's not more compassion. The most supportive, empathetic, helpful, and encouraging people in my life are unbelievers. What does G-d want me to do with that? I point G-d to them in prayer and tell Him this one has blessed me, this one is truly kind, look and see them and save them because there's real goodness in their heart and they've meant so much and done so much for me. When I think of the people who are lights in my life and sources of support and help, all but one are non-believers. So if I wasn't already a believer, who would be here pointing me to G-d?
I've met one Christian preacher who showed compassion and worked to the point we could have sent my kids to their school for free, so above and beyond, but that's really the only believer who seemed to even want to have us around. One by one all my believing friends have disappeared from my life so I sent one message to each one inviting to visit and get together and told G-d that if they let it fall through, I'm going to let them go. He can arrange any further meetings He wants me to have with them, otherwise it felt like I would just be troubling them. I just needed to do that for my own sake, send an invite, so I wouldnt feel guilty and wonder if I had done enough to be a good friend.
Now I don't know why I have not received a response from this synagogue. I don't know if they've even seen the email, but then in the least for the sake of outreach, check the emails. It just comes across unwelcoming. Maybe Ill get taught a lesson because I'm overreacting and they'll respond and be kind and welcoming, but it's so bizarre that the most compassionate and patient people who have really stepped up to help us in life are non- believers. Im trying to find believing counsel in my life, but no one is there. That's part of why I messaged this synagogue and reconsidered going there.
I'm just wondering at this point, if you guys think I should follow my gut instinct and let this be considered a no-go? I guess I also just wanted to bring attention to this pattern I've noticed because maybe it's a bigger issue than just in my life. I don't know, but I also wanted to speak on behalf of my non-believing friends who have really treated me like a friend. They know I'm pretty religiously minded and respect me because they see G-d helping me with my daughter- they appreciate how I try to teach my daughter and handle life. It's because I have Him, but they just care about people enough to want to actually involve themselves in our life. I just don't understand how I haven't found any believing friends who want to do the same.
I haven't received an email back and now I'm second guessing myself. I am leaving room that I'm completely overreacting, and that maybe that thought was not of G-d. I question and doubt a lot because it always seems like doors are shut in my life to get anywhere. Meanwhile, I'm starting to have a hard time assuming the best of people. Honestly, it seems I'm often shown my gut instinct was right, but also because of a larger more long -term context of issues with how people react to our family.
Here's a pattern in my life. My daughter has autism. Over time I have learned that you find out a lot about people pretty quickly based on this. You know out of everyone that I can think of who have sincerely stepped up and reached out to help and welcome us, the ones who involve themselves in our lives somehow because they care; out of all of them, only one of them was a believer. On the other have, the rudest have been so-called believers- to the pint of giving me dirty looks if they find out my daughter might be in their class.
The people who have stepped up the most in my life to work with her and support me the most have been secularly minded non- believers. That's been the truth for years so I'm not sure what's happening, but it's been going on long enough that I can't help but wonder what's wrong. What's going on in my life that this is what's happening, or what's happening in the believing community that there's not more compassion. The most supportive, empathetic, helpful, and encouraging people in my life are unbelievers. What does G-d want me to do with that? I point G-d to them in prayer and tell Him this one has blessed me, this one is truly kind, look and see them and save them because there's real goodness in their heart and they've meant so much and done so much for me. When I think of the people who are lights in my life and sources of support and help, all but one are non-believers. So if I wasn't already a believer, who would be here pointing me to G-d?
I've met one Christian preacher who showed compassion and worked to the point we could have sent my kids to their school for free, so above and beyond, but that's really the only believer who seemed to even want to have us around. One by one all my believing friends have disappeared from my life so I sent one message to each one inviting to visit and get together and told G-d that if they let it fall through, I'm going to let them go. He can arrange any further meetings He wants me to have with them, otherwise it felt like I would just be troubling them. I just needed to do that for my own sake, send an invite, so I wouldnt feel guilty and wonder if I had done enough to be a good friend.
Now I don't know why I have not received a response from this synagogue. I don't know if they've even seen the email, but then in the least for the sake of outreach, check the emails. It just comes across unwelcoming. Maybe Ill get taught a lesson because I'm overreacting and they'll respond and be kind and welcoming, but it's so bizarre that the most compassionate and patient people who have really stepped up to help us in life are non- believers. Im trying to find believing counsel in my life, but no one is there. That's part of why I messaged this synagogue and reconsidered going there.
I'm just wondering at this point, if you guys think I should follow my gut instinct and let this be considered a no-go? I guess I also just wanted to bring attention to this pattern I've noticed because maybe it's a bigger issue than just in my life. I don't know, but I also wanted to speak on behalf of my non-believing friends who have really treated me like a friend. They know I'm pretty religiously minded and respect me because they see G-d helping me with my daughter- they appreciate how I try to teach my daughter and handle life. It's because I have Him, but they just care about people enough to want to actually involve themselves in our life. I just don't understand how I haven't found any believing friends who want to do the same.
- there are 70 faces to 
