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Post by chrisg on Apr 8, 2016 13:25:56 GMT -8
My husband has ordered a part for the car which is due to arrive tomorrow. As he doesn't (yet) keep Sabbath, this ought not to be an issue. However, he is out at a meeting all day tomorrow and won't get back before the shop shuts, so he has asked me to collect it. It is not yet paid for, so I will have to pay as well. And to add insult to injury, I will have to walk the three miles there and three miles back as he will have the car - though that is a personal issue which as far as I can see does not violate the Sabbath and I am more than capable of walking 6 miles. The item cannot be left till Monday because the car is due for its annual road test then and the part is essential for that test.
I am enjoined to obey my husband, but I am also enjoined to keep the Sabbath. On this occasion, I cannot do both. Which takes precedence?
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Post by alon on Apr 8, 2016 15:04:57 GMT -8
My husband has ordered a part for the car which is due to arrive tomorrow. As he doesn't (yet) keep Sabbath, this ought not to be an issue. However, he is out at a meeting all day tomorrow and won't get back before the shop shuts, so he has asked me to collect it. It is not yet paid for, so I will have to pay as well. And to add insult to injury, I will have to walk the three miles there and three miles back as he will have the car - though that is a personal issue which as far as I can see does not violate the Sabbath and I am more than capable of walking 6 miles. The item cannot be left till Monday because the car is due for its annual road test then and the part is essential for that test. I am enjoined to obey my husband, but I am also enjoined to keep the Sabbath. On this occasion, I cannot do both. Which takes precedence? The higher mitzvah is probably to keep peace in your marriage. What I did when I was just starting and my wife was wanting things done or planning things like family time (which meant cooking on the grill) on Saturday. At first I did some of these things, but I let her know I wasn't happy about it. Really, she just didn't think; and there was probably some testing too. Eventually I started asserting my observance of Shabbat. Family time can be planned on Sunday just as well, and cooking doesn't violate Christian principles.
There will still be the odd thing like what you are describing, and these can be particularly difficult. Not being a Rabbi, I can't really tell you to do it or not to do it. In your case there is the thing about your being under his authority. But that is meant to be Him taking the lead in what is Godly and right. That is a tough one. For now, I'd do it but make it known he just had you violate Shabbat. Hopefully he will come around to the truth himself. If not, all I can tell you is it is tough living in a divided house.
Dan C
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Post by Elizabeth on Apr 8, 2016 17:20:47 GMT -8
One thing that helps me, and especially helped me initially, is to remember G-d is allowing this challenge. You never need to worry or feel panicked. All you can do is the best you can with a pure heart. Really, who isn't in that situation? The difference is we are acutely aware of it. It's nothing you and G-d can't handle. Be prayerful and don't get pulled emotionally into futile conversations and diversions is my best suggestion. Our G-d is amazingly patient and knows your heart. He also knows your husband's and what example He needs you to set for him. Just be very prayerful, doing the best you can, asking G-d to help you learn. You seem to be doing a great job to me btw.  |
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Post by garrett on Apr 8, 2016 20:23:12 GMT -8
This is a very gradual process and you're starting to notice the situation your in (Elizabeth mentioned being acutely aware of it). I agree with this as I am acutely aware of things I could or could not do during this time. Just do your best over time and don't be too hard on yourself. I can think back to my own situations that were very similar to the one you have right now.
Matthew 12:11-12
"He (Yeshua) said to them, "What man among you will not grab his sheep and lift it out, if it falls into a pit on Shabbat? How much more valuable then is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is permitted to do good on Shabbat." (Tree of Life Bible)
It sounds like the one vehicle you and your husband have is a "sheep in a pit." And I assume it is used for your very livelihood. In addition to that, you are trying to adhere to local laws for vehicle inspections. I don't want to sound like I'm going out on a limb or trying to overjustify things but maybe this is just something you have to do.
Let me put it this way: right now I am the sole provider of income for me and my wife. If unusual circumstances came up that required a last minute decision to keep my car running, I would get my car fixed. I am responsible for taking care of my wife.
It will be okay!
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Post by chrisg on Apr 9, 2016 1:46:55 GMT -8
Thank you everyone. He realised it had upset me to be asked to do something on the Sabbath, so he chose a compromise path.He started by saying there was nothing to stop him paying for it before he went to his meeting, so I said 'that's true - only the same reasons as I didn't want to have to pay for it'. Anyway, nothing more was said until I was on my way to bed. We agreed that he would pay for it and I would just collect it. Not brilliant, but at least I'm not having to pay for it as well as collect it.
And I also agreed to take him to the meeting, so I have the car (his suggestion). Instead of it taking me three hours to walk in, get the part, then walk home (all uphill on the way back), it will now take me less than half an hour, plus the time to take him to the meeting (less than an hour). I probably won't have to collect him at the end of his meeting, as someone can give him a ride home.
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Post by alon on Apr 9, 2016 3:53:16 GMT -8
You are getting some really good advice and different perspectives here! But more than that, you are very lucky to have a spouse who understands and makes an effort to accommodate your beliefs. More than that, from what you've said he is open to the truth himself. That is something you should cherish and try to work with. It makes life much more enjoyable.
Dan C |
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