Post by R' Y'hoshua Moshe on Mar 2, 2013 9:09:25 GMT -8
Death And Mourning
A d’rash for parshat Chayei Sarah
B'reishit (Genesis) 23:1-25:18
By Rabbi Reuel Dillon
In parshat Chayei Sarah, we read about the conclusion of Sarah’s life. But, it was Sarah’s legacy that had just begun. She had gone from being “Sarai”, meaning “my princess” to “Sarah” meaning “Princess”. In this the Sages understand that she went from being an individual’s princess to being the Princess of the Nations as we see Avram’s name (meaning "Exalted Father") being changed to “Avraham” (meaning “Father Of Many Nations”). Therefore, Sarah’s legacy of being the Princess of many nations had just begun, and thus her life had at this time started to flourish as her descendents would become like the sand of the sea. Hebrews 11:12-13 tells us, “Therefore this one man, who was virtually dead, fathered descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky, and as countless as the grains of the sand on the seashore. All these people kept on trusting until they died, without receiving what had been promised. They had only seen it and welcomed it from a distance, while acknowledging that they were aliens and temporary residents on the earth.”.
The sages of Yisra'el teach us to bless Adonai in the abundance of life, and also in death. The traditional blessing and prayer when someone dies is the “Dayan Ha-Emet”. The blessing is as follows; “Baruch Attah Adonai, Elohaynu Melech HaOlam, Dayan Ha-Emet.”, translated to mean, "Blessed are You O Lord our God, King of the Universe, the True Judge.”. This prayer is designed to remind mankind that the God of Yisra'el is a just judge, and is perfectly righteous. Even when a dearly beloved family member, whether it be a spouse, a father, mother, brother, sister, or a dear friend dies, we are never to claim or say in our heart that God is unjust. We are to demonstrate the same faith and attitude towards God that Iyov (Job) expressed in Iyov 13:15, which states, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him…”.
In HaShem's infinite wisdom, being able to see the big picture of world history from beginning to end, whatever He does or allows is ultimately for the good. In the Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 60b we are taught in the name of R' Akiva the following; “A person should always accustom himself to saying, “Whatever the All-Merciful does, is for the ultimate good.” To illustrate this truth, the Talmud tells us a story about one of Rabbi Akiva's journeys. Once he arrived at a village and looked for a local inn to stay the night so he could attend a meeting there the next day. He was not pleased when he discovered that there were no available rooms or places to stay in the village. So, R' Akiva decided to spend the night in a quiet field just outside the village. He brought with him a rooster, a donkey, and a lamp for the evening. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew out the lamp! Then a weasel suddenly attacked and ate the rooster. A lion appeared and ate the donkey! In every instance, R' Akiva affirmed, “Whatever the All-Merciful does is for the good!” Later the next day after traveling to his meeting by foot, R' Akiva discovered that some robbers had actually attacked and kidnapped many of the townspeople early that morning!" Thus, it was actually a good thing that there was no place to stay in the village, and that the robbers didn't see his light in the field the night before as they were preparing to ambush the village, and it was a good thing that he didn't have a rooster to wake him up in time to travel into the village for his morning meeting, and indeed he had no donkey to make the trip in time.
How can it possibly be a good thing for someone to die - especially a righteous person? The ultimate example of this can be found in Yeshua The Messiah. The same question could be asked about his death. How could the death of HaMashiach (The Messiah) possibly be a good thing for those in the world? Although it is certainly something we don't look forward to and it is something we struggle to go through, we should know that often God is able to accomplish special and powerful works through the death of the righteous that He would not otherwise be able to accomplish in our hearts, and in our world while such a one was living. Rabbenu Yeshua teaches us about this in Yochanan (John) 12:24 when he states, "Yes, indeed! I tell you that unless a grain of wheat that falls to the ground dies, it stays just a grain; but if it dies, it produces a big harvest".
In Judaism death is not a tragedy or a hopeless situation, even when death occurs early in life or through circumstances that are considered to be aggravated. And, for the believers in Messiah, we should share this understanding. In 1Thesalonians 4:13-14 we read the Shaliach (Emmissary) Sha’ul exhorts believers with the following, “Now, brothers, we want you to know the truth about those who have died; otherwise, you might become
the way other people do who have nothing to hope for. For since we believe that Yeshua died and rose again, we also believe that in the same way God, through Yeshua, will take with him those who have died.”.
In Judaism life is so precious that in the Talmud it is taught that the taking of a single life is like destroying a whole world. Indeed, think of the world that would have been destroyed if Sarah had never lived. So too, we must find value in the life that we are living now and how precious it can be for the future, even if it seems meaningless or hopeless now. We shouldn’t think of just the here and now, but keep our eyes fixed on the big picture and what Adonai may do through our life in the future after we are gone. Our life can be like a little seed that when one day is buried in the ground has the potential to bear much fruit for The Kingdom for generations to come. It is taught that just as our life has meaning and is apart of God’s plan, so too is it with our death. Therefore, let us strive to be the type of seed that when is buried will later produce a good fruit, which is pleasing in the eyes of Adonai and which will be a great blessing for future generations.
In B'reishit (Genesis) 23:1-3 we read, “Sarah lived to be 127 years old; these were the years of Sarah's life. Sarah died in Kiryat-Arba, also known as Hevron, in the land of Kena'an; and Avraham came to mourn Sarah and weep for her. Then he got up from his dead one…
Jewish practices relating to death and mourning have two purposes: to show respect for the dead (kavod ha-met), and to comfort the living (nichum aveilim), who will miss the deceased. To show proper respect and honor for the deceased, in most communities there is a group of people whom are usually volunteers, both men and women, whom help to prepare the deceased for a proper Jewish burial. This group of people is known as the Chevrah Kadisha (the holy fellowship/group). This group, usually composed of those who are living a righteous and holy life in obedience to the mitzvot of the
, stay with the body of the deceased, never leaving him or her alone, and along with the family and the community rabbi, they ensure that the deceased receives a proper burial and that Jewish standards for burial and respect for the dead are observed.
Jewish custom requires that the Chevrah Kadisha ritually wash the deceased member of their community, have his or her nails clipped, his or her hair cut, their body anointed and wrapped in simple linen clothing, and his or her eyes closed. If male, he is wrapped in his tallit, with one of the tzitzityot (tassels) cut off at the corner, to symbolize that in that body he is no longer bound to keep the mitzvot.
In Judaism, caring for the dead is considered one of the highest forms of charity, for the dead can never repay someone for this service. In our parashah we read that Avraham heard of his wife’s death and came to mourn and weep for Sarah. Apparently, Avraham lived in Be’er-Sheva (B'reishit/Gen. 22:19) and Sarah lived in Kiryat-Arba, about fifty miles apart from each other. Their living in separate places and Sarah’s death directly follows the attempted sacrifice of Yitz'chak by Avraham, which may have not gone over well with Sarah. Regardless of the situation, Avraham immediately travels to mourn and weep for his deceased wife. It would have been about a day journey. Usually in Judaism the burial is done as soon as possible, even on the same day if possible.
Other practices and observances that are worthy to note are the following: Cremation, embalming, autopsies, and donating one's body to research is traditionally forbidden. Jewish funerals are usually brief, simple and modest, without the presence of floral arrangements, commonly found at non-Jewish funerals. Jewish tradition opposes the public viewing of the deceased in an open coffin, as it is considered a form of disrespect to the dead because it allows not only friends, but also enemies to view the dead, mocking their helpless state.
The burial takes place in the Earth, with a simple wooden coffin, often with some holes in it so that earth may enter into the coffin. Although it is the law in the US to be buried in a coffin, in Yisra'el it is preferred to be buried directly in the ground. Traditionally, the coffin is lowered completely into the grave and covered with earth before mourners leave the deceased. If outside of Eretz Yisra'el, if possible, some dirt from Yisra'el is put on the coffin. It is considered a holy act for mourners to help shovel the earth and cover the coffin. The placing of the "matzevah" (the tombstone or grave marker) is usually done a year after the death, but some do it as early as thirty days, at which time a unveiling ceremony is observed. The "matzevah" is of Biblical significance, as it is mentioned in B'reishit (Genesis) 35:19-20. It states, "So Rachel died and was buried on the way to Efrat (that is, Beit-Lechem). Ya'akov set up a standing-stone (matzevah) on her grave; it is the standing-stone of Rachel's grave to this day". It Jewish tradition for visitors to leave a small stone on the tombstone, as a lasting marker of their visit.
Although some of these practices may stem from more modern times, many of them have their origin in ancient times, even back to the days of Avraham. Avraham would have been a part of the funeral procession that led to Sarah's burial, which all of their close family and friends would have a responsibility to attend, out of love and respect for Sarah. The Sages teach us that to be a part of and attend a funeral is a duty of sacred importance. The Talmud teaches that “whoever sees a body being conveyed to burial and does not accompany it, commits a transgression because of the injunction found in Mishlei (Proverbs) 17:5 which states, “He who mocks the poor insults his maker; he who rejoices at calamity will not go unpunished”. And, in this case the dead are considered to be amongst the lowest of the poor.
According to the ancient Jewish custom, if the parents of the deceased were still alive, they would walk in front of the funeral procession, along with any other close family members. The deceased would follow next, followed by friends and guests. We see a example of a Jewish funeral procession in Luke 7:11-17 were we read, “The next day Yeshua, accompanied by his talmidim (disciples) and a large crowd, went to a town called Na`im. As he approached the town gate, a dead man was being carried out for burial. His mother was a widow, this had been her only son, and a sizeable crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, he felt compassion for her and said to her, "Don't cry." Then he came close and touched the coffin, and the pallbearers halted. He said, "Young man, I say to you: get up!" The dead man sat up and began to speak, and Yeshua gave him to his mother. They were all filled with awe and gave glory to God, saying, "A great prophet has appeared among us," and, "God has come to help his people. This report about him spread throughout all Y'hudah and the surrounding countryside.”.
This was the first resurrection of a dead person that Yeshua The Messiah performed. Not only were the people astonished about the miracle but they also understood that someone very important was in their midst and Yeshua’s fame begun to spread. There was something else worthy to note with Yeshua stopping the funeral procession. Normally this would have been a great violation of Jewish custom and it would be a sacrilege to stop a funeral procession, not to mention his going up and touching the coffin. According to Jewish law only the King of Yisra'el himself would be permitted to interrupt or stop a funeral procession. Tractate Ketubot, folio 17a states, "Our Rabbis taught: One causes a funeral procession to make way for a bridal procession, and both of them for the King of Yisra'el". In Yeshua’s act He not only revealed His power, but that He was also the King of Yisra'el, whom had power over death. And, even though Messiah Himself would taste of death, it could not hold Him because of His power over it.
Although we are to comfort the those who have recently lost loved ones, in Judaism the importance of acknowledging one's pain and loss is often taught. Telling the person that “God is a just judge,” or telling someone, “I know how you feel,” are inappropriate ways to express condolences. The mourner should be encouraged to express their grief and their loss, and be allowed to mourn, as this is part of the healing process. Although we should mourn with the hope that we will see or loved one again, it is important that we take the time to properly mourn the loss of a loved one who was close to us.
Traditionally, in Judaism you are considered to be a "mourner" if you have suffered the loss of a father, mother, husband, wife, child, brother and sister, including half-brother or half-sister. When a loved one departs from this life it is an ancient Jewish custom for the mourner to make a tear, (in Hebrew called a "kriah") in the garment which they cover themselves in. The act of "kriah" (the rending of one's garment) is done on the left side over the heart for a deceased parent, and on the right side for all other relatives. The kriah is performed by the mourners prior to the burial, either during the funeral service or at the gravesite. The blessing, "Daiyan Ha-Emet" (Blessed is the true judge) is recited during the kriah, which indicates submission and resignation to the will of God.
We see a few examples of the act of kriah in the TeNaKh. In Beresheet (Gen.) 37:34 we see how Ya’akov (James) responded when he thought his son Yosef (Joseph) was dead. It states, “Ya'akov tore his clothes and, putting sackcloth around his waist, mourned his son for many days.”. And again in Sh’mu’el Bet (2Samuel) 13:31 we read about Melech David’s sons whom had been killed. It states, “While they were on their way, the news came to David that Avshalom had killed all the king's sons, and not one of them was left alive. The king got up, tore his clothes and lay on the ground, while all his servants stood by with their clothes torn too”. All throughout scripture we see this expression being carried by God’s people.
At the death of Messiah we read that His Heavenly Father also ripped His garment. In Mattityahu (Matthew) 27:50-51 we read about the death of Messiah Yeshua. It states, “But Yeshua, again crying out in a loud voice, yielded up his spirit. At that moment the parochet (the veil) in the Temple was ripped in two from top to bottom; and there was an earthquake, with rocks splitting apart.”. According to the Talmud the “parochet” or veil in the Temple was considered to be the Tunic Of The Temple. It is therefore taught that it is the tunic of the one whom dwells in the Temple. Thus, in Judaism the “parochet” or tunic of the Temple was also known as the “Tunic of God”.
In B'reishit 23:3 it states of Avraham, “Then he got up from his dead one…”. It is taught that this phrase implies he was sitting down. In Jewish mourning customs there is a period of time called “shivah” (meaning "seven") and is referred to as “sitting shivah”. This period of seven days begins on the day of burial (which in Judaism is counted as one full day) is counted as the first day and the period ends on the morning of the seventh day. Sitting shivah traditionally applies to the before-mentioned seven first-degree relatives: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, and spouse. It is customary for the mourners to sit on low stools or even the floor, as it is symbolic of the emotional reality of being "brought low" by the grief. The garment that the "kriah" was performed on is traditionally worn during the shivah period. During this time mourners refrain for a week from showering or bathing, wearing leather shoes or jewelry, or shaving. During these seven days it is customary that a candle is kept burning in the house of mourning and family members gather in the home for prayer and to help receive visitors. It is also customary that after the burial one does not enter the home of the one sitting shivah before washing one's hands three times, being careful to put the vessel upside down after usage and not passing it from one person to another.
It is considered a great mitzvah of kindness and compassion to pay a home visit (shivah call) to the mourners, a practice known as "nichum aveilim" (comforting the mourners). Traditionally, no greetings are exchanged and visitors wait for the mourners to initiate conversation, or remain silent if the mourners do not do so, out of respect for their bereavement. If they wish to speak about their memories of their departed love one, it should be encouraged.
It is also considered a great mitzvah for the vistors to bring prepared food for the mourners. The first meal that is eaten when returning home from the funeral is called, "Seudat Havra'ah" (The Meal Of Consolation), and usually consists of hard-boiled eggs and other roundish foods. Upon leaving an Ashkenazic shivah house, visitors recite a traditional blessing: "HaMakom yenachem etchem betoch sha'ar aveylei Tziyon viYerushalayim", meaning, "May God comfort you among the other mourners of Tziyon and Jerusalem"). At a Sephardic shivah house, visitors say: "Min hashamayim tenuchamu", meaning, "May Heaven comfort you".
For mourners, the first thirty days is known in Hebrew as "Sh'loshim". This period ends on the morning of the thirtieth day. During this time family members refrain from attending public celebrations or entertainment, from weddings, bar/bat mitzvah celebrations, musical performances, movies, ect. Although, it is permitted to attend a wedding or bar/bat mitzvah if it was scheduled previous to the passing of the family member. During "sh'loshim" men also traditionally abstain from shaving or getting a haircut. In the case of a parent, mourning and abstention from amusement is observed for a full year, also referred to as "Avelut". Whether it be during shivah, sh'loshim, or avelut, public mourning practices are not observed on Shabbat or the Moedim, and it is customary for family members to still attend and partake in these services.
Even though we mourn because we will miss our loved ones after they are dead, if our loved ones have known Adonai, than as mentioned in 1Thesalonians 4:13-14, although we still need to mourn...we don’t mourn as those without hope. And, as we think about our inevitable death it should not be a hopeless or event, but for the righteous it should be thought of as a new beginning. Mishlei (Proverbs) 14:32 states, “The wicked is thrust out in his wickedness, but the righteous has hope in his death.”. Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 7:1-8 tells us, “A good name is better than perfumed oil, and the day of death better than the day of birth. Better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for all are destined to be mourned; the living should lay this to heart. Grief is better than laughter, for sadness can improve a person. The thoughts of the wise are in the house of mourning, but the thoughts of fools are in the house of pleasure. It is better to hear the rebukes of the wise than to listen to the songs of fools. For the laughter of fools is like the crackling of thorns burning under a pot; this too is pointless. But oppression can make a wise man stupid; also a gift can destroy understanding. The end of something is better than its beginning, so the patient are better than the proud.”.
We are told in Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 7:1 that the "day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth" and in vs. 8 "the end of something is better than its beginning...". Why is this? Perhaps it is because at the day of one's birth we have not had the honor of keeping any of Adonai's mitzvot (commandments) and have not had the privilege of serving our great King. Perhaps this is why at the very end of Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 12:13 we read, "Here is the final conclusion, now that you have heard everything: fear God, and keep his mitzvot; this is what being human is all about".
R' Sha’ul also understood this and stated in Phillipians 1:21-24 the following, “For to me, life is the Messiah, and death is gain. But if by living on in the body I can do fruitful work, then I don't know which to choose. I am caught in a dilemma: my desire is to go off and be with the Messiah - that is better by far - but because of you, the greater need is to stay on in the body.”. In 2Corinthians 5:1-8 we are told, “We know that when the tent which houses us here on earth is torn down, we have a permanent building from God, a building not made by human hands, to house us in heaven. For in this tent, our earthly body, we groan with desire to have around us the home from heaven that will be ours. With this around us we will not be found naked. Yes, while we are in this body, we groan with the sense of being oppressed: it is not so much that we want to take something off, but rather to put something on over it; so that what must die may be swallowed up by the Life. Moreover, it is God who has prepared us for this very thing, and as a pledge he has given us his Spirit. So we are always confident - we know that so long as we are at home in the body, we are away from our home with the Lord; for we live by trust, not by what we see. We are confident, then, and would much prefer to leave our home in the body and come to our home with the Lord.”
Although as morbid as it may sound, for the believer in Messiah Yeshua...truly the day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth. If we are in Yeshua The Messiah, it is not something we have to fear. For to be with our God, and our Messiah...there is no comparison to any joy hear on Earth. Indeed, if one truly knew the joy and great shalom that those who have gone to be with Adonai are experiencing in the bosom of our loving God...you wouldn't want such a one to come back to this broken world...even for a moment. It is up to us, through our union with our Messiah Yeshua and through a life of holiness to join our beloved. For Ivrim (Hebrews) 12:14 states, "Keep pursuing shalom with everyone and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord".
Let us earnestly look forward to the wonderful future that Adonai has prepared for us, and although we must mourn, let us also rejoice if our believing loved-ones get there first. For 1Thessalonians 4:15 states, “For this we tell you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left to the coming of the Lord, will in no way precede those who have fallen asleep”. In other words, those whom are dead and saved will be the first to experience the glorious resurrection. But, until it is our time to go...let us live a life that we will not be ashamed of in the end. For in 2Corinthians 5:9-10 the Emissary of Yeshua states, “Therefore, whether at home or away from home, we try our utmost to please him; for we must all appear before the Messiah's court of judgment, where everyone will receive the good or bad consequences of what he did while he was in the body”.
Therefore, while we are alive it is our duty to sanctify, to make holy, and to glorify the name our God, the God of Yisra'el. And, this brings us to a very special prayer that is traditionally recited daily after the death of a loved one. It has been stated that in all of Jewish liturgy no prayer arouses greater emotion than the Kaddish. It has been associated with the name “the mourners kaddish” and connection with prayers for the dead, but it is not about that at all. Although, it is one of the prayers in Judaism which mourners will recite at memorial assemblies and at the time of burial, and in the days to come. And, it is this prayer that a son is required to say every day for eleven months after the death of a parent, and for all other close relatives it is said for at least a month (sh'loshim/thirty days), and also at the yearly yahrzeit (anniversary) of the death. Although it has traditionally been the responsibility for a son to say the mourner's kaddish for eleven months in connection with the death of a parent, if a son is not available to do this, another family member, or friend may also do this in honor of the deceased.
Kaddish means “sanctification”. As we read the opening words of this prayer, “yitgadal v’yitkadash” they are inspired by Yechezk’el (Ezekiel) 38:23, where the Navi (Prophet) sees a time when God will become great and sanctified in the eyes of all the Nations. The tone of the Kaddish brings to mind the infinite power and majesty of the God of Yisra'el. In all reality, the recitation of the Kaddish is connected to the third commandment which states, “You shall not take the name of HaShem your God in vain; for HaShem will not leave unpunished the one who takes His name in vain.”. So, here we find a prayer dedicated to keeping the name of God holy. To sanctify God’s name among the nations and within the local community has always been one of the primary duties of a true Jew and any follower of the God of Yisra'el.
In many cases, sanctifying the name of God meant only one thing; dying for one’s faith. And, many Jewish people have died in this manner. I can think of one particularly famous Jew who died sanctifying the name of God to the utmost. His name is Yeshua HaMashiach, Yeshua (Jesus) The Messiah. For a more detailed treatise on this subject one only needs to read what is called in Hebrew the, “Besorot Tovot” or in English known as, “The Good News” (as found in the books of Mattityahu/Matthew, Mark, Luke, Yochanan/John, and Acts).
Furthermore, Rabbi Hayim Levi Donin also states the following about the Kaddish (see To Pray As A Jew), “In less oppressive times the Jewish duty to sanctify God’s Name publicly was (and is) expressed not by the way we die but by the way we live. When we act in such a way as to bring honor to our faith, to the, and to our people, we are in essence sanctifying God’s name.”. And, unlike the thief on the execution stake (cross) whom received forgiveness of sins right before he died, we don’t want to forfeit a fulfilling and joyous life of serving our God, and sanctifying His great name. We should be spending our time now building up treasure in Heaven that will be enjoyed for eternity.
Shabbat shalom!
A d’rash for parshat Chayei Sarah
B'reishit (Genesis) 23:1-25:18
By Rabbi Reuel Dillon
In parshat Chayei Sarah, we read about the conclusion of Sarah’s life. But, it was Sarah’s legacy that had just begun. She had gone from being “Sarai”, meaning “my princess” to “Sarah” meaning “Princess”. In this the Sages understand that she went from being an individual’s princess to being the Princess of the Nations as we see Avram’s name (meaning "Exalted Father") being changed to “Avraham” (meaning “Father Of Many Nations”). Therefore, Sarah’s legacy of being the Princess of many nations had just begun, and thus her life had at this time started to flourish as her descendents would become like the sand of the sea. Hebrews 11:12-13 tells us, “Therefore this one man, who was virtually dead, fathered descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky, and as countless as the grains of the sand on the seashore. All these people kept on trusting until they died, without receiving what had been promised. They had only seen it and welcomed it from a distance, while acknowledging that they were aliens and temporary residents on the earth.”.
The sages of Yisra'el teach us to bless Adonai in the abundance of life, and also in death. The traditional blessing and prayer when someone dies is the “Dayan Ha-Emet”. The blessing is as follows; “Baruch Attah Adonai, Elohaynu Melech HaOlam, Dayan Ha-Emet.”, translated to mean, "Blessed are You O Lord our God, King of the Universe, the True Judge.”. This prayer is designed to remind mankind that the God of Yisra'el is a just judge, and is perfectly righteous. Even when a dearly beloved family member, whether it be a spouse, a father, mother, brother, sister, or a dear friend dies, we are never to claim or say in our heart that God is unjust. We are to demonstrate the same faith and attitude towards God that Iyov (Job) expressed in Iyov 13:15, which states, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him…”.
In HaShem's infinite wisdom, being able to see the big picture of world history from beginning to end, whatever He does or allows is ultimately for the good. In the Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 60b we are taught in the name of R' Akiva the following; “A person should always accustom himself to saying, “Whatever the All-Merciful does, is for the ultimate good.” To illustrate this truth, the Talmud tells us a story about one of Rabbi Akiva's journeys. Once he arrived at a village and looked for a local inn to stay the night so he could attend a meeting there the next day. He was not pleased when he discovered that there were no available rooms or places to stay in the village. So, R' Akiva decided to spend the night in a quiet field just outside the village. He brought with him a rooster, a donkey, and a lamp for the evening. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew out the lamp! Then a weasel suddenly attacked and ate the rooster. A lion appeared and ate the donkey! In every instance, R' Akiva affirmed, “Whatever the All-Merciful does is for the good!” Later the next day after traveling to his meeting by foot, R' Akiva discovered that some robbers had actually attacked and kidnapped many of the townspeople early that morning!" Thus, it was actually a good thing that there was no place to stay in the village, and that the robbers didn't see his light in the field the night before as they were preparing to ambush the village, and it was a good thing that he didn't have a rooster to wake him up in time to travel into the village for his morning meeting, and indeed he had no donkey to make the trip in time.
How can it possibly be a good thing for someone to die - especially a righteous person? The ultimate example of this can be found in Yeshua The Messiah. The same question could be asked about his death. How could the death of HaMashiach (The Messiah) possibly be a good thing for those in the world? Although it is certainly something we don't look forward to and it is something we struggle to go through, we should know that often God is able to accomplish special and powerful works through the death of the righteous that He would not otherwise be able to accomplish in our hearts, and in our world while such a one was living. Rabbenu Yeshua teaches us about this in Yochanan (John) 12:24 when he states, "Yes, indeed! I tell you that unless a grain of wheat that falls to the ground dies, it stays just a grain; but if it dies, it produces a big harvest".
In Judaism death is not a tragedy or a hopeless situation, even when death occurs early in life or through circumstances that are considered to be aggravated. And, for the believers in Messiah, we should share this understanding. In 1Thesalonians 4:13-14 we read the Shaliach (Emmissary) Sha’ul exhorts believers with the following, “Now, brothers, we want you to know the truth about those who have died; otherwise, you might become
the way other people do who have nothing to hope for. For since we believe that Yeshua died and rose again, we also believe that in the same way God, through Yeshua, will take with him those who have died.”.In Judaism life is so precious that in the Talmud it is taught that the taking of a single life is like destroying a whole world. Indeed, think of the world that would have been destroyed if Sarah had never lived. So too, we must find value in the life that we are living now and how precious it can be for the future, even if it seems meaningless or hopeless now. We shouldn’t think of just the here and now, but keep our eyes fixed on the big picture and what Adonai may do through our life in the future after we are gone. Our life can be like a little seed that when one day is buried in the ground has the potential to bear much fruit for The Kingdom for generations to come. It is taught that just as our life has meaning and is apart of God’s plan, so too is it with our death. Therefore, let us strive to be the type of seed that when is buried will later produce a good fruit, which is pleasing in the eyes of Adonai and which will be a great blessing for future generations.
In B'reishit (Genesis) 23:1-3 we read, “Sarah lived to be 127 years old; these were the years of Sarah's life. Sarah died in Kiryat-Arba, also known as Hevron, in the land of Kena'an; and Avraham came to mourn Sarah and weep for her. Then he got up from his dead one…
Jewish practices relating to death and mourning have two purposes: to show respect for the dead (kavod ha-met), and to comfort the living (nichum aveilim), who will miss the deceased. To show proper respect and honor for the deceased, in most communities there is a group of people whom are usually volunteers, both men and women, whom help to prepare the deceased for a proper Jewish burial. This group of people is known as the Chevrah Kadisha (the holy fellowship/group). This group, usually composed of those who are living a righteous and holy life in obedience to the mitzvot of the
, stay with the body of the deceased, never leaving him or her alone, and along with the family and the community rabbi, they ensure that the deceased receives a proper burial and that Jewish standards for burial and respect for the dead are observed.Jewish custom requires that the Chevrah Kadisha ritually wash the deceased member of their community, have his or her nails clipped, his or her hair cut, their body anointed and wrapped in simple linen clothing, and his or her eyes closed. If male, he is wrapped in his tallit, with one of the tzitzityot (tassels) cut off at the corner, to symbolize that in that body he is no longer bound to keep the mitzvot.
In Judaism, caring for the dead is considered one of the highest forms of charity, for the dead can never repay someone for this service. In our parashah we read that Avraham heard of his wife’s death and came to mourn and weep for Sarah. Apparently, Avraham lived in Be’er-Sheva (B'reishit/Gen. 22:19) and Sarah lived in Kiryat-Arba, about fifty miles apart from each other. Their living in separate places and Sarah’s death directly follows the attempted sacrifice of Yitz'chak by Avraham, which may have not gone over well with Sarah. Regardless of the situation, Avraham immediately travels to mourn and weep for his deceased wife. It would have been about a day journey. Usually in Judaism the burial is done as soon as possible, even on the same day if possible.
Other practices and observances that are worthy to note are the following: Cremation, embalming, autopsies, and donating one's body to research is traditionally forbidden. Jewish funerals are usually brief, simple and modest, without the presence of floral arrangements, commonly found at non-Jewish funerals. Jewish tradition opposes the public viewing of the deceased in an open coffin, as it is considered a form of disrespect to the dead because it allows not only friends, but also enemies to view the dead, mocking their helpless state.
The burial takes place in the Earth, with a simple wooden coffin, often with some holes in it so that earth may enter into the coffin. Although it is the law in the US to be buried in a coffin, in Yisra'el it is preferred to be buried directly in the ground. Traditionally, the coffin is lowered completely into the grave and covered with earth before mourners leave the deceased. If outside of Eretz Yisra'el, if possible, some dirt from Yisra'el is put on the coffin. It is considered a holy act for mourners to help shovel the earth and cover the coffin. The placing of the "matzevah" (the tombstone or grave marker) is usually done a year after the death, but some do it as early as thirty days, at which time a unveiling ceremony is observed. The "matzevah" is of Biblical significance, as it is mentioned in B'reishit (Genesis) 35:19-20. It states, "So Rachel died and was buried on the way to Efrat (that is, Beit-Lechem). Ya'akov set up a standing-stone (matzevah) on her grave; it is the standing-stone of Rachel's grave to this day". It Jewish tradition for visitors to leave a small stone on the tombstone, as a lasting marker of their visit.
Although some of these practices may stem from more modern times, many of them have their origin in ancient times, even back to the days of Avraham. Avraham would have been a part of the funeral procession that led to Sarah's burial, which all of their close family and friends would have a responsibility to attend, out of love and respect for Sarah. The Sages teach us that to be a part of and attend a funeral is a duty of sacred importance. The Talmud teaches that “whoever sees a body being conveyed to burial and does not accompany it, commits a transgression because of the injunction found in Mishlei (Proverbs) 17:5 which states, “He who mocks the poor insults his maker; he who rejoices at calamity will not go unpunished”. And, in this case the dead are considered to be amongst the lowest of the poor.
According to the ancient Jewish custom, if the parents of the deceased were still alive, they would walk in front of the funeral procession, along with any other close family members. The deceased would follow next, followed by friends and guests. We see a example of a Jewish funeral procession in Luke 7:11-17 were we read, “The next day Yeshua, accompanied by his talmidim (disciples) and a large crowd, went to a town called Na`im. As he approached the town gate, a dead man was being carried out for burial. His mother was a widow, this had been her only son, and a sizeable crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, he felt compassion for her and said to her, "Don't cry." Then he came close and touched the coffin, and the pallbearers halted. He said, "Young man, I say to you: get up!" The dead man sat up and began to speak, and Yeshua gave him to his mother. They were all filled with awe and gave glory to God, saying, "A great prophet has appeared among us," and, "God has come to help his people. This report about him spread throughout all Y'hudah and the surrounding countryside.”.
This was the first resurrection of a dead person that Yeshua The Messiah performed. Not only were the people astonished about the miracle but they also understood that someone very important was in their midst and Yeshua’s fame begun to spread. There was something else worthy to note with Yeshua stopping the funeral procession. Normally this would have been a great violation of Jewish custom and it would be a sacrilege to stop a funeral procession, not to mention his going up and touching the coffin. According to Jewish law only the King of Yisra'el himself would be permitted to interrupt or stop a funeral procession. Tractate Ketubot, folio 17a states, "Our Rabbis taught: One causes a funeral procession to make way for a bridal procession, and both of them for the King of Yisra'el". In Yeshua’s act He not only revealed His power, but that He was also the King of Yisra'el, whom had power over death. And, even though Messiah Himself would taste of death, it could not hold Him because of His power over it.
Although we are to comfort the those who have recently lost loved ones, in Judaism the importance of acknowledging one's pain and loss is often taught. Telling the person that “God is a just judge,” or telling someone, “I know how you feel,” are inappropriate ways to express condolences. The mourner should be encouraged to express their grief and their loss, and be allowed to mourn, as this is part of the healing process. Although we should mourn with the hope that we will see or loved one again, it is important that we take the time to properly mourn the loss of a loved one who was close to us.
Traditionally, in Judaism you are considered to be a "mourner" if you have suffered the loss of a father, mother, husband, wife, child, brother and sister, including half-brother or half-sister. When a loved one departs from this life it is an ancient Jewish custom for the mourner to make a tear, (in Hebrew called a "kriah") in the garment which they cover themselves in. The act of "kriah" (the rending of one's garment) is done on the left side over the heart for a deceased parent, and on the right side for all other relatives. The kriah is performed by the mourners prior to the burial, either during the funeral service or at the gravesite. The blessing, "Daiyan Ha-Emet" (Blessed is the true judge) is recited during the kriah, which indicates submission and resignation to the will of God.
We see a few examples of the act of kriah in the TeNaKh. In Beresheet (Gen.) 37:34 we see how Ya’akov (James) responded when he thought his son Yosef (Joseph) was dead. It states, “Ya'akov tore his clothes and, putting sackcloth around his waist, mourned his son for many days.”. And again in Sh’mu’el Bet (2Samuel) 13:31 we read about Melech David’s sons whom had been killed. It states, “While they were on their way, the news came to David that Avshalom had killed all the king's sons, and not one of them was left alive. The king got up, tore his clothes and lay on the ground, while all his servants stood by with their clothes torn too”. All throughout scripture we see this expression being carried by God’s people.
At the death of Messiah we read that His Heavenly Father also ripped His garment. In Mattityahu (Matthew) 27:50-51 we read about the death of Messiah Yeshua. It states, “But Yeshua, again crying out in a loud voice, yielded up his spirit. At that moment the parochet (the veil) in the Temple was ripped in two from top to bottom; and there was an earthquake, with rocks splitting apart.”. According to the Talmud the “parochet” or veil in the Temple was considered to be the Tunic Of The Temple. It is therefore taught that it is the tunic of the one whom dwells in the Temple. Thus, in Judaism the “parochet” or tunic of the Temple was also known as the “Tunic of God”.
In B'reishit 23:3 it states of Avraham, “Then he got up from his dead one…”. It is taught that this phrase implies he was sitting down. In Jewish mourning customs there is a period of time called “shivah” (meaning "seven") and is referred to as “sitting shivah”. This period of seven days begins on the day of burial (which in Judaism is counted as one full day) is counted as the first day and the period ends on the morning of the seventh day. Sitting shivah traditionally applies to the before-mentioned seven first-degree relatives: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, and spouse. It is customary for the mourners to sit on low stools or even the floor, as it is symbolic of the emotional reality of being "brought low" by the grief. The garment that the "kriah" was performed on is traditionally worn during the shivah period. During this time mourners refrain for a week from showering or bathing, wearing leather shoes or jewelry, or shaving. During these seven days it is customary that a candle is kept burning in the house of mourning and family members gather in the home for prayer and to help receive visitors. It is also customary that after the burial one does not enter the home of the one sitting shivah before washing one's hands three times, being careful to put the vessel upside down after usage and not passing it from one person to another.
It is considered a great mitzvah of kindness and compassion to pay a home visit (shivah call) to the mourners, a practice known as "nichum aveilim" (comforting the mourners). Traditionally, no greetings are exchanged and visitors wait for the mourners to initiate conversation, or remain silent if the mourners do not do so, out of respect for their bereavement. If they wish to speak about their memories of their departed love one, it should be encouraged.
It is also considered a great mitzvah for the vistors to bring prepared food for the mourners. The first meal that is eaten when returning home from the funeral is called, "Seudat Havra'ah" (The Meal Of Consolation), and usually consists of hard-boiled eggs and other roundish foods. Upon leaving an Ashkenazic shivah house, visitors recite a traditional blessing: "HaMakom yenachem etchem betoch sha'ar aveylei Tziyon viYerushalayim", meaning, "May God comfort you among the other mourners of Tziyon and Jerusalem"). At a Sephardic shivah house, visitors say: "Min hashamayim tenuchamu", meaning, "May Heaven comfort you".
For mourners, the first thirty days is known in Hebrew as "Sh'loshim". This period ends on the morning of the thirtieth day. During this time family members refrain from attending public celebrations or entertainment, from weddings, bar/bat mitzvah celebrations, musical performances, movies, ect. Although, it is permitted to attend a wedding or bar/bat mitzvah if it was scheduled previous to the passing of the family member. During "sh'loshim" men also traditionally abstain from shaving or getting a haircut. In the case of a parent, mourning and abstention from amusement is observed for a full year, also referred to as "Avelut". Whether it be during shivah, sh'loshim, or avelut, public mourning practices are not observed on Shabbat or the Moedim, and it is customary for family members to still attend and partake in these services.
Even though we mourn because we will miss our loved ones after they are dead, if our loved ones have known Adonai, than as mentioned in 1Thesalonians 4:13-14, although we still need to mourn...we don’t mourn as those without hope. And, as we think about our inevitable death it should not be a hopeless or
event, but for the righteous it should be thought of as a new beginning. Mishlei (Proverbs) 14:32 states, “The wicked is thrust out in his wickedness, but the righteous has hope in his death.”. Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 7:1-8 tells us, “A good name is better than perfumed oil, and the day of death better than the day of birth. Better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for all are destined to be mourned; the living should lay this to heart. Grief is better than laughter, for sadness can improve a person. The thoughts of the wise are in the house of mourning, but the thoughts of fools are in the house of pleasure. It is better to hear the rebukes of the wise than to listen to the songs of fools. For the laughter of fools is like the crackling of thorns burning under a pot; this too is pointless. But oppression can make a wise man stupid; also a gift can destroy understanding. The end of something is better than its beginning, so the patient are better than the proud.”.We are told in Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 7:1 that the "day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth" and in vs. 8 "the end of something is better than its beginning...". Why is this? Perhaps it is because at the day of one's birth we have not had the honor of keeping any of Adonai's mitzvot (commandments) and have not had the privilege of serving our great King. Perhaps this is why at the very end of Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 12:13 we read, "Here is the final conclusion, now that you have heard everything: fear God, and keep his mitzvot; this is what being human is all about".
R' Sha’ul also understood this and stated in Phillipians 1:21-24 the following, “For to me, life is the Messiah, and death is gain. But if by living on in the body I can do fruitful work, then I don't know which to choose. I am caught in a dilemma: my desire is to go off and be with the Messiah - that is better by far - but because of you, the greater need is to stay on in the body.”. In 2Corinthians 5:1-8 we are told, “We know that when the tent which houses us here on earth is torn down, we have a permanent building from God, a building not made by human hands, to house us in heaven. For in this tent, our earthly body, we groan with desire to have around us the home from heaven that will be ours. With this around us we will not be found naked. Yes, while we are in this body, we groan with the sense of being oppressed: it is not so much that we want to take something off, but rather to put something on over it; so that what must die may be swallowed up by the Life. Moreover, it is God who has prepared us for this very thing, and as a pledge he has given us his Spirit. So we are always confident - we know that so long as we are at home in the body, we are away from our home with the Lord; for we live by trust, not by what we see. We are confident, then, and would much prefer to leave our home in the body and come to our home with the Lord.”
Although as morbid as it may sound, for the believer in Messiah Yeshua...truly the day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth. If we are in Yeshua The Messiah, it is not something we have to fear. For to be with our God, and our Messiah...there is no comparison to any joy hear on Earth. Indeed, if one truly knew the joy and great shalom that those who have gone to be with Adonai are experiencing in the bosom of our loving God...you wouldn't want such a one to come back to this broken world...even for a moment. It is up to us, through our union with our Messiah Yeshua and through a life of holiness to join our beloved. For Ivrim (Hebrews) 12:14 states, "Keep pursuing shalom with everyone and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord".
Let us earnestly look forward to the wonderful future that Adonai has prepared for us, and although we must mourn, let us also rejoice if our believing loved-ones get there first. For 1Thessalonians 4:15 states, “For this we tell you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left to the coming of the Lord, will in no way precede those who have fallen asleep”. In other words, those whom are dead and saved will be the first to experience the glorious resurrection. But, until it is our time to go...let us live a life that we will not be ashamed of in the end. For in 2Corinthians 5:9-10 the Emissary of Yeshua states, “Therefore, whether at home or away from home, we try our utmost to please him; for we must all appear before the Messiah's court of judgment, where everyone will receive the good or bad consequences of what he did while he was in the body”.
Therefore, while we are alive it is our duty to sanctify, to make holy, and to glorify the name our God, the God of Yisra'el. And, this brings us to a very special prayer that is traditionally recited daily after the death of a loved one. It has been stated that in all of Jewish liturgy no prayer arouses greater emotion than the Kaddish. It has been associated with the name “the mourners kaddish” and connection with prayers for the dead, but it is not about that at all. Although, it is one of the prayers in Judaism which mourners will recite at memorial assemblies and at the time of burial, and in the days to come. And, it is this prayer that a son is required to say every day for eleven months after the death of a parent, and for all other close relatives it is said for at least a month (sh'loshim/thirty days), and also at the yearly yahrzeit (anniversary) of the death. Although it has traditionally been the responsibility for a son to say the mourner's kaddish for eleven months in connection with the death of a parent, if a son is not available to do this, another family member, or friend may also do this in honor of the deceased.
Kaddish means “sanctification”. As we read the opening words of this prayer, “yitgadal v’yitkadash” they are inspired by Yechezk’el (Ezekiel) 38:23, where the Navi (Prophet) sees a time when God will become great and sanctified in the eyes of all the Nations. The tone of the Kaddish brings to mind the infinite power and majesty of the God of Yisra'el. In all reality, the recitation of the Kaddish is connected to the third commandment which states, “You shall not take the name of HaShem your God in vain; for HaShem will not leave unpunished the one who takes His name in vain.”. So, here we find a prayer dedicated to keeping the name of God holy. To sanctify God’s name among the nations and within the local community has always been one of the primary duties of a true Jew and any follower of the God of Yisra'el.
In many cases, sanctifying the name of God meant only one thing; dying for one’s faith. And, many Jewish people have died in this manner. I can think of one particularly famous Jew who died sanctifying the name of God to the utmost. His name is Yeshua HaMashiach, Yeshua (Jesus) The Messiah. For a more detailed treatise on this subject one only needs to read what is called in Hebrew the, “Besorot Tovot” or in English known as, “The Good News” (as found in the books of Mattityahu/Matthew, Mark, Luke, Yochanan/John, and Acts).
Furthermore, Rabbi Hayim Levi Donin also states the following about the Kaddish (see To Pray As A Jew), “In less oppressive times the Jewish duty to sanctify God’s Name publicly was (and is) expressed not by the way we die but by the way we live. When we act in such a way as to bring honor to our faith, to the
, and to our people, we are in essence sanctifying God’s name.”. And, unlike the thief on the execution stake (cross) whom received forgiveness of sins right before he died, we don’t want to forfeit a fulfilling and joyous life of serving our God, and sanctifying His great name. We should be spending our time now building up treasure in Heaven that will be enjoyed for eternity.Shabbat shalom!
