The Disciplined Life

[Tzav_laTzav]

I am looking for advice, to hear what others have to say. I want to just get real about this.

I was not reared with discipline, and in general am a very undisciplined person, trying to discipline myself somewhat with lists, which usually end up not working. Once again, I have made a life-list and am trying to stick with it. I am sticking to it to a point, because I must for work because of the new programs I am learning and because of my Hebrew studies, which are for me.

However, I mentioned earlier today that I am undisciplined regarding prayer. I am also undisciplined regarding life in general: basically, I just do whatever I want to do with little thought for doing the uncomfortable, except for those life-circumstances which force it.

Work: I go to work when I feel like it, I do what I do there when I feel like it, I put off the mundane tasks until I can't go on without doing them.
Home: see "work" above.
Studies: some suffer while I do what interests me most

Okay. Here's the thing. Is this all that bad? Or am I feeling guilty/unworthy/undisciplined for no reason? I hear about very disciplined people, and I wonder: Is HaShem pleased with my undisciplined life? Does He look at me and say, "Oh, well -- it takes all kinds!"

What does one do, when one is nearly 60 and finds that discipline is lacking? Do what has worked in the past? Work for change? Quit sweating it? Decide it is the accuser, not HaShem, who is bringing all this up?

I am serious! I do not want to stand before HaShem on the Lord's Day, to say, "I purposely lived an undisciplined life and did nothing to change it." I also don't want to stand before Him on that Day, to say, "I let the accuser take me down the wrong road when I should have been rejoicing in You."

[Pioneer]

Shalom,
Test the spirit! Is it hasatan making you feel guilty or is it the Lord convicting you to repent and do his will?

I certainly can't tell you! Maybe prayer and fasting!

Shalom

[Tzav_laTzav]

Oh, don't worry about it. When I am going through a lot of "stuff" from the old church, I tend to be too introspective, too critical. I'll get over it.

[Mark]

It's easy to look around at others and begin to compare ourselves- usually in justifying our own behavior (or lack thereof) but sometimes toward personal condemnation. An important question to ask is "What does God think of you?" Now, our first impulse is to wonder a little bit, then come up with our Sunday School answer" He loves Me! He loves me so much that He died for me." That, of course is a true statement; but, when is the last time you asked Him, "How'm I doin'?" then taken the time to listen for His answer?

Last night we studied this week's Parashah and it was noted that Moses went up into the dense cloud and there waited... for six days! Hum, de dum de dum. It's easy to want to put Adonai in a 20 minute therapy session and if we don't get our money's worth in that period of time we're just going to have to find a new therapist.

I wouldn't sluff off your feelings of inadequacy; but I wouldn't dwell on them either. Take them before the Healer and lay them before His feet. Take some time (some bulk time- an hour or more at a time) to dwell in His presence, to sit quietly, to tell Him your problems and concerns, to listen for His answers. This is not something you can do every day and probably not even on a weekly basis; but it is important that on occasion we have some time out with Adonai. What you describe is symptomatic of a need for that. Even if you need to rent a hotel room to be by yourself, it's worth being refilled and refreshed by the Spirit of Adonai.

I'm not talking about a Bible Study or a Retreat or a Conference. I'm talking about taking some time to just be in God's presence.

[R' Y'hoshua Moshe]

"Commit your works to YHVH, and your thoughts will be established." - Mishlei (Proverbs) 16:3

Shalom aleychem achot,

Reuel