Deuteronomy 23:1

[Bob]

I apologize in advance if the sensitivity of this subject offends anyone.
However this has been weighing on my mind a great deal on my mind of late.
In 2003 I had a vasectomy. I find now that my decision was both selfish and arrogant to say the least.
Now I am faced with it being also against (though I was by no means observant when I made the decision).

The question that has been plaguing my mind is would it be a sin to have this reversed? or would it be a form of Teshuva?

I have already begged HaShem for Forgiveness for the sin I committed. I have even asked for his miraculous healing of the wound I had inflicted on myself. But this does not seem to be enough for me (it could just be emotions as I am not sure I really want more children...) What I am sure about is that I don't want it to be my decision that I don't have more children. That right only belongs to Adonai.

[Mark]

My Dear Brother,

There are a ton of examples in Scripture of how something that we regret in our past has made us what we are today, something holy and precious in the eyes of Adonai. The number of "arrows in one's quiver" is a subject that I'm very familiar with and am often asked what I think must be the magic number. The answer is always that what you have is a blesisng from Adonai. What you don't is also His gift- and we don't understand why, nor do we evaluate the circumstances nor worthiness of the individual based upon that.

Scripture doesn't tell us to go back and un-sin. We are told to go and sin no more. Scripture doesn't tell us to carry our past of ignorance and arrogance as bondage. It tells us to be made free. God is into miracles. And should there be soem little surprise waiting in your future, I wouldn't put it past Him at all. Believe it or not, it has happened before. There are also a number of children being born to Moms and Dads who do not want them (there's my little Crisis Pregnancy Center shpeal). There is no telling how what you had intended for evil, Adonai may turn around into something good.

The simple relationship based upon our brokenness and His forgiveness, and the peace that results from this, is beauty from ashes.

[Bob]

Mark,
Thank you for your encouragement.
I still feel though that Adonai may be directing me to have this reversed. This puts the decision back in his hands as to whether or not we have additional children.
Part of my question is would it be considered a sin to "go back under the knife" for this to be reversed? Part of me says this would again be similar to what Deut 23:1 is forbidding, the other part says that this could be a move in the right direction. I know that Adonai will not lead me contrary to his word. I am testing the spirits. (something inside me is telling me to have this reversed)