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Post by mystic on Dec 29, 2018 5:31:45 GMT -8
Since this is held on a saturday and is a party, I am not understanding why it doesn't violate Shabbat?
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Post by Elizabeth on Dec 29, 2018 7:12:16 GMT -8
It is against the biblical rules as it's not a commandment but keeping the Sabbath is. Many Jewish people are not observant or loosely observant. None of the Jewish people I know are observant, especially of the Sabbath. So maybe this is just an instance of that.
It's can be culturally important, but not necessarily spiritual important for some Jewish people. It's like Christians who participate in Christmas and Easter but don't go to church. Many in my family do that. They do it because it is important to them culturally and they like the tradition.
I read a little bit just to get some idea of it's history though because I didn't really see it anywhere in the Bible. The only activity associated with the age of 13 that I could think of was Ishmael's circumcision. Anyway, it's based on the age when a boy is eligible for war and taxation, and another site said the age when the father is no longer accountable for his son's actions. In the Bible the age for taxation and eligibility for war is 20, but according to what I read the Talmud changed the age to 13 in the thirteenth century.
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Post by mystic on Dec 29, 2018 8:37:33 GMT -8
It is against the biblical rules as it's not a commandment but keeping the Sabbath is. Many Jewish people are not observant or loosely observant. None of the Jewish people I know are observant, especially of the Sabbath. So maybe this is just an instance of that. Now THAT is shocking to me as I had always thought the Shabbat was at the very core of Judaism, I will ask this question of an Orthodox Jewish woman I consult with on Judaic matters, will let you know what her take is on this whenever she replies. Meantime i have to say yes that keeping a party on Shabbat doesn't seem to me to be in line with God's will for that day. Reason why I brought this up is because my Autistic son mentioned his birthday to me yesterday so now I will have to contend with that in August.
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Post by Elizabeth on Dec 29, 2018 9:48:09 GMT -8
You can still celebrate with your son, but on a different day I think just because it may hurt him as he wont understand. I would just explain priorities as best I could. Saturday is the day set aside for G-d, and somehow connect it to this is the One Who created you. Maybe give him some perspective on G-d rejoicing in what He's made so G-d wants to spend a day with him.
I know there are potential issues some people see with celebrating birthdays, but I don't think it's consistent with G-d's will to emotionally hurt of confuse our children either. So I think we need to grow their understanding before we act sometimes.
I would just really try to avoid any indication that he is somehow less important than he used to be because you care more about G-d than you used to by drawing some connections for him. The Sabbath is the L-rd's Day, but it is also the day that the L-RD rejoiced in creation so let's focus on praising G-d and let G-d have His time with your son - something like that so he knows he is still important. I'm just giving you ideas because I worry about hurting and confusing my own kids so this issue hits home for me.
It's hard, but it helps me to focus on somehow trying to align the priorities in their mind before we act. For us that takes a certain level of maturity and a lot of gradual changes and conversation. For example, I might have a cake for them, but I would pray in thanksgiving to G-d for the child. I would try to tie it into being grateful for all G-d has created including a day to rest and spend time with Him so that we would hopefully end up celebrating the child's life with G-d when we ate the cake. My husband has not made this an issue for us so celebrating Sunday has worked well, but we have been keeping their birthdays low key for several years so that's helped.
I'm now focusing on helping them think and align priorities by planting seeds to more gradually influence thinking because they are in such delicate situations. Getting upset over things I can't change anyway only makes their situation worse. Sometimes the bigger issue you make of it, the bigger issue it becomes in the opposite direction so you can work against yourself easily in a divided home that way.
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Post by mystic on Dec 31, 2018 5:21:25 GMT -8
This is the answer I got: I can't speak to what non-Orthodox groups do, but we don't have parties for bar mitzvahs on shabbat. bar mitzvahs I have been to have two separate celebrations: the first during the week where they serve a meal, people socialize, the family and the bar mitzvah boy speak, some times music and dancing. So a type of party but not on shabbat. Then it is followed up by the bar mitzvah boy being called to the for the first time on shabbat. The family usually sponsors the kiddish and the makes a speech, congregation and family talk about him during that time and the bar mitzvah boy gives a talk about the portion if he did not do so during the service. Non- Orthodox bar mitzvahs generally have the boy speak during the service and the rabbi gives recognition to him. The family usually sponsors lunch or the kiddish where they talk about their child, he speaks words of , and that's it. He is also called to the for the first time during the service. So these are not parties but celebrating what the bar mitzvah is all about-that the child is now at an age to be responsible for taking on all the mitzvot. It's a major change in his life, and an expression of thanks to G-d for allowing the boy to be of an age where he can now observe all the mitzvot. So nothing goes against shabbat rules. So it seems from that answer that it was I who had false information? Seems it's what I see in some movies which gave me that impression like "The Wedding Singer" with Adam Sandler. I had always thought that was what a Bar Mitzvah was about, celebrating manhood with a big party and on a Saturday, my sincerest apologies for stereotyping.
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