Post by Questor on Aug 10, 2014 19:19:10 GMT -8
Shabbat, being a day of rest, and the day being separated unto YHVH in obedience, has been wearing me out of late.
Since my normal days are inclusive of cooking, cleaning, errands and what not, one might think that I would be need of a rest from these things, and particularly from work, as it is forbidden on Shabbat.
One problem...the amount of normal stuff I do during the week is less than two hours of each day. Abba had already separated me unto a life of study and writing since 2006, and I have been disabled from the ability for gainful employment since 1995, and since I was actually separated from normal behaviour as an adult since that same year, my entire week is that of study, research, writing, being a willing ear for my fellow Believers, and hopefully a ready help as well on occasion.
Of late, I have noticed how exhausted I am mentally from these efforts during the week, and how hard it is to find a way to rest on Shabbat doing the same things, with just no errands or cooking and whatnot.
I don't want to be away from the thoughts and actions pertaining to YHVH or Yehoshua on Shabbat, but frankly, I needed some rest this Saturday.
After discussing it with Abba, and praying for forgiveness in advance, I turned away from research and study, turned away from any personal contact with other Believers, and decided that I was going to take a completely non-Shabbat Sabbath.
I read a couple of novels, and talked to Abba about them as I read, discussing the characters and plot devices, and so forth, and the foolish things the characters were doing, and how well or how badly the author was handling the storyline and plot. I drifted from the books from time to time to simply talk to Abba about past actions and wrong actions, about people I loved, and a number of past sins. And I talked to G-d about my current love for Him, and for help in changing, and finding a way to be closer and closer to Him every day.
I wept...I even sobbed for a time over losses long gone, something I have not done for years, and told Abba that I wanted those memories of the past to be subordinated to Him...to have my loves be all for Him, and my efforts made to be changed towards Him, towards His desires of me. I prayed for all those gone from me, and for those I know now.
I spent the day with YHVH and Yehoshua and the Ruach haKodesh, and I rested from my normal week. I even rested from my normal sleep to read yet a third novel, and continue in my conversation with G-d.
It was a day of what might seem to be sheer self-indulgence. It may have been so, to a critical eye, and to one that has a normal existence, with family, and work, and community to participate in.
I do not recommend this for anyone else...I cannot know your life and your days, and what work you need to rest from. I do not know if I will even try this again, but I feel no condemnation, and only peace, as well as an immense gratitude for all the blessings that Abba has given me, and for the real quality time I get with Him daily. I am a Gentile, and not obligated under the Covenant to do other than what pleases G-d as He makes it known to me through the Scriptures, and through the Ruach haKodesh. Still, I want to keep as well as I can daily, getting better and better at it every day, walking more closely with Yehoshua on my straight and narrow path in order to please Him.
The Sabbath was separated unto G-d in a most peculiar way, but I also feel that I may have actually kept Shabbat in full for the first time, refraining from everything in my normal week, and spending it with G-d no less than I do everyday, all day, but for once refraining from what my work and my duties are during the week.
And today, I feel...rested. I feel un-guilty, and at peace. I thank G-d for the Grace that allows me to choose how to interpret the commandment to rest on Shabbat, and in fact, to know that I did nothing forbidden, under the Scriptures, or the Talmud. Certainly I kept no pattern of Sabbath I have ever heard of, but I spent the day with G-d, and I enjoyed myself, and I rested from all work, all striving, all creative behaviour.
It was indeed a very different kind of Shabbat.
Since my normal days are inclusive of cooking, cleaning, errands and what not, one might think that I would be need of a rest from these things, and particularly from work, as it is forbidden on Shabbat.
One problem...the amount of normal stuff I do during the week is less than two hours of each day. Abba had already separated me unto a life of study and writing since 2006, and I have been disabled from the ability for gainful employment since 1995, and since I was actually separated from normal behaviour as an adult since that same year, my entire week is that of study, research, writing, being a willing ear for my fellow Believers, and hopefully a ready help as well on occasion.
Of late, I have noticed how exhausted I am mentally from these efforts during the week, and how hard it is to find a way to rest on Shabbat doing the same things, with just no errands or cooking and whatnot.
I don't want to be away from the thoughts and actions pertaining to YHVH or Yehoshua on Shabbat, but frankly, I needed some rest this Saturday.
After discussing it with Abba, and praying for forgiveness in advance, I turned away from research and study, turned away from any personal contact with other Believers, and decided that I was going to take a completely non-Shabbat Sabbath.
I read a couple of novels, and talked to Abba about them as I read, discussing the characters and plot devices, and so forth, and the foolish things the characters were doing, and how well or how badly the author was handling the storyline and plot. I drifted from the books from time to time to simply talk to Abba about past actions and wrong actions, about people I loved, and a number of past sins. And I talked to G-d about my current love for Him, and for help in changing, and finding a way to be closer and closer to Him every day.
I wept...I even sobbed for a time over losses long gone, something I have not done for years, and told Abba that I wanted those memories of the past to be subordinated to Him...to have my loves be all for Him, and my efforts made to be changed towards Him, towards His desires of me. I prayed for all those gone from me, and for those I know now.
I spent the day with YHVH and Yehoshua and the Ruach haKodesh, and I rested from my normal week. I even rested from my normal sleep to read yet a third novel, and continue in my conversation with G-d.
It was a day of what might seem to be sheer self-indulgence. It may have been so, to a critical eye, and to one that has a normal existence, with family, and work, and community to participate in.
I do not recommend this for anyone else...I cannot know your life and your days, and what work you need to rest from. I do not know if I will even try this again, but I feel no condemnation, and only peace, as well as an immense gratitude for all the blessings that Abba has given me, and for the real quality time I get with Him daily. I am a Gentile, and not obligated under the Covenant to do other than what pleases G-d as He makes it known to me through the Scriptures, and through the Ruach haKodesh. Still, I want to keep as well as I can daily, getting better and better at it every day, walking more closely with Yehoshua on my straight and narrow path in order to please Him.
The Sabbath was separated unto G-d in a most peculiar way, but I also feel that I may have actually kept Shabbat in full for the first time, refraining from everything in my normal week, and spending it with G-d no less than I do everyday, all day, but for once refraining from what my work and my duties are during the week.
And today, I feel...rested. I feel un-guilty, and at peace. I thank G-d for the Grace that allows me to choose how to interpret the commandment to rest on Shabbat, and in fact, to know that I did nothing forbidden, under the Scriptures, or the Talmud. Certainly I kept no pattern of Sabbath I have ever heard of, but I spent the day with G-d, and I enjoyed myself, and I rested from all work, all striving, all creative behaviour.
It was indeed a very different kind of Shabbat.